My son, Tim is a night person.
When he was little, he would sleep in until we woke him, and would fight his early bedtime every night. He absolutely loved nighttime – the later, the better.
He’s naturally at his best as evening approaches, and it’s still his favorite time of day. It’s tougher now, because he manages a restaurant and often has to be there between 5:00 and 6:00 AM to open the store. But his basic wiring is nocturnal.
One year, we took a family vacation to Hawaii when the kids were in their early teens. My morning-person daughter, Sara and I would get up to watch the sunrise and grab some juice or coffee.
Tim wanted to sleep in. We would wake him up, but he was pretty grumpy. We’d go for an early breakfast, but he wouldn’t talk. He barely ate his food, slumped over his meal and disengaged from conversation.
I thought it was because he was a teenager. I was concerned about his attitude, and felt like he was just being rude and rebellious. I was worried about our relationship. I tried to connect, but nothing happened.
I tried to “fix” him. It didn’t work.
He was perceptive enough to know what was happening. One morning, he mustered up enough energy to form a few words. He put his head up, looked me in the eye and said, “Just give me two hours. Don’t talk for two hours. We’ll be fine.”
And we were.
As a morning person, I would feel the same way if somebody tried to engage me in conversation late at night. I didn’t understand, but I came to appreciate it.
A few years later, Tim gave me an unusual gift for Father’s Day. He made a certificate that said he would take me to a midnight movie.
I said, “Hey! I thought you were supposed to give gifts that people actually want! A midnight movie? I’ll fall asleep!”
“Take a nap,” he said. “You’ll be fine.”
I really wasn’t looking forward to it, but he really wanted me to go. So I took a nap.
It was an action movie, so I actually stayed awake through the whole thing. We walked out of the theater about 2:15 AM. There weren’t very many people in the theater, so we stood on the street by ourselves.
It was quiet.
It was peaceful.
It was amazing. I had the same feeling I do when I get up at dawn.
He stood quietly for a minute, staring into the dark quietness as if to just take it all in.
“This is my world,” he said. “I wanted you to see it.”
I saw it. I felt it.
And I loved him for sharing it with me.
I learned something that night: I learned that we don’t all have to be the same.
I’ve read the research, and it provides some big advantages for night people:
- They tend to have a slightly higher IQ.
- They tend to be more creative – probably because they’re non-conventional.
- They tend to have more hobbies (not sure why).
- They tend to stay alert longer than morning people. (10 hours after waking up, night people are much more alert, while morning people as fading.)
At the same time, there are a few challenges:
- They’re more prone to depression.
- If they sleep in, they’re seen as lazy by others.
- If they wake up at 3:00 in the afternoon, it’s only 2 hours until dinner (but all they want is pancakes).
- They struggle with non-work activities (most malls aren’t open in the middle of the night, so normal shopping is a challenge).
Just as we talked about last week with morning people, it’s not as matter of who’s better – a morning person or a night person.
It’s being able to let others be who they are, and appreciate the difference.
I don’t think I’ll ever be a night person. And I’ll always prefer mornings – like I’m doing right now.
But I don’t debate which is better any more.
I don’t have to be right.
I’ve just learned the value of looking through someone else’s eyes.
If you’re a night person, what do you wish people understood about you? Let us know in the comments below.
Next week: What to Do In Case of an Introvert