It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together.
Sometimes, you run out of things to talk about.
Diane and I have been married for a really, really long time. It’s always amazed me that we don’t get tired of each other, and there’s almost always something to discuss. When there’s not, it’s OK. We can sit in silence and just appreciate being together.
Maybe it’s because life happens, and it impacts us – so we talk about how we feel, and what it means between us.
But sometimes, we’ve been too busy to connect. If it’s been awhile, it can feel a little strained. It’s not that there are barriers; we just get a bit dry. We might try to bring something up, but it feels forced.
Does that ever happen to you?
In those times, it might feel artificial to jump into deep discussions about finances, family issues or friends. We’ll get there eventually. But it might be better to jump-start the dialogue with something simple, safe and non-threatening.
Try this idea:
Here are a few questions to ask each other on that level. Print them off and keep them handy. Each night for a week or so, pick one and talk about it over dinner and see where the discussion goes. Don’t expect dramatic results; just have fun with them as you explore each other’s thoughts. It probably won’t be deep, but you’ll enjoy sharing each other’s perspective.
- What was the worst date you ever went on? (Present company excluded)
- Who is one person you have the utmost respect for? Why?
- What three words best describe you? Explain.
- What was your favorite TV show when you were a kid – and what did you like most about it?
- Describe your favorite teacher in high school
- Describe yourself when you were in the best shape of your life – and what got you there.
- If they made a movie about your life, who would be the best person to play the part of you?
- What do you miss most about being a kid?
- How would you spend a million dollars if you had to do it in 24 hours? (You can’t save it or invest it)
- If you had to lose one of your five senses, which one would you give up?
Consider sending this post to a couple you’re close to (or one that seems to be having communication issues), suggesting they try it as well. Then compare notes the next time you’re together.
In a week or so, we’ll look at a few other questions – maybe at a slightly deeper level (Part 2). Then, a week or so after that, we’ll talk about the single most important question you can ask the most important person in your life (Part 3).
Sometimes, we need to relax with each other. See if this doesn’t lubricate your dialogue over the next few days.
What other questions could you ask each other to accomplish the same thing? Add your ideas to the comments below (or at the top of this post).