My son-in-law, Brian is an extrovert.
He’s energized by lots of people and big events. The bigger the event, the more he wants to attend – and the longer he wants to stay.
A new action movie hits the big screen? He wants to be there on opening night to feel the energy of the crowd. If he misses that first showing, he feels cheated.
When a new Star Wars film came out a few years ago, he took a day off work, dressed up like one of the characters and drove to Hollywood for the premier – just to be part of the event.
My wife and I, on the other hand, are introverts. We love to go to the theater on the last day that a movie is playing. Once we actually had the entire theater to ourselves and thought, “This is awesome.”
A few minutes later two people walked in. We muttered, “Oh, great – a crowd.”
Brian and I don’t go to a lot of movies together.
It seems like there are a lot of extroverts in society. But that’s because we hear from them the most. By nature, extroverts are the ones that are the most vocal, while introverts are more thoughtful. Introverts process before speaking, while extroverts process by speaking.
But a big part of it is about energy.
Extroverts gain energy from being around lots of people. “They’re like solar panels,” says author Marti Olsen Laney. “The longer the party lasts, the more they’re energized.”
It’s not unusual for an extrovert to leave a party, then call a couple of friends to go out for coffee.
That’s the opposite of introverts, who find their energy drains the longer the party lasts. “They’re like rechargeable batteries,” Laney says. “They function well at a social event, but eventually run out of fuel. They need time alone to recharge, then they’re ready to socialize again.”
What do we need to know about extroverts?
- They reach outward to get their energy. If their car stereo and air conditioning both break, they’ll get the stereo fixed first so they don’t have to drive in silence.
- The bigger the group, the better they function. If someone invites them out for coffee, they’ll ask if they can bring two others.
- They think out loud. They think by talking, and have trouble processing their thoughts unless they can have a conversation about them.
- The more friends they have, the better. They might have a few close friendships, but enjoy interacting with as many people as possible.
- They can work alone, but feel drained after a few hours. So they instinctively seek out conversation in order to refuel.
- They prefer talking to writing. The phone is their friend. Email is tough because they have to compose their thoughts before talking to others about them.
Are you an extrovert? Celebrate it, because you provide the energy that keeps society moving. Just recognize two things:
- You’re fueled by being with others, and that gives you the energy to spend time alone.
- Others are fueled by being alone, and it gives them the energy to enjoy being with you.
Are you an introvert? Do life with others, because it adds richness to your journey. Just keep an eye on your fuel gauge, and pull back to recharge when needed.
Bottom line: Life gets better when we build on who we are instead of trying to become who we aren’t.
Robert Heinlein said, “Never attempt to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. (Oscar Wilde)
Morning people. Night people. Introverts. Extroverts.
We could probably spend a year just talking about how to relate to people who are different than we are.
Here’s a better way: If you haven’t already done it, invest in a copy of my book People Can’t Drive You Crazy If You Don’t Give Them the Keys. You’ll learn how to thrive instead of survive when others don’t seem to be as committed to your happiness as you are.
Already have a copy? Order one for a friend who’s trying to negotiate tough relationships. It’s a small investment to help them get some traction.