Nobody promised that life was supposed to be easy.
But somehow, we’re surprised when it gets tough.
Someone said that we’re always in one of three stages:
- We’re in a tough period.
- We’re coming out of a tough period.
- We’re entering a tough period.
Sometimes they overlap. Just as your health starts to improve, a relationship starts to crumble. You get a big raise at work, but you can’t sleep because of anxiety.
It’s almost like the seasons, where spring leads to summer, then fall and winter. Life also has seasons too of growth, death, and rebirth. The difference is that unlike the predictable seasons of nature, you don’t know how long each life season will last. When you’re in the middle of a dark winter season of life, it feels like it will never end.
It might not.
We never have guarantees about what will happen in life. There are a lot of choices we can make, but a lot of things are out of our control. They just happen. When they do, the only thing we have control over is how we respond.
That’s true in summer circumstances as well as winter ones. Life happens, we respond. The more we try to control things that are out of our control, the more frustrated and anxious we become.
This isn’t about deep depression, which can’t be resolved with trite advice and Facebook memes to just “feel better” and “look on the bright side.” That requires compassionate, professional intervention, not a self-help approach. This post is about the ebb and flow of life where it’s not just winter all the time. (If you feel like you’re in a deep depression, don’t wonder if you can figure it out. Get help from a counselor or therapist, or connect with professional resources found online.)
If you find yourself in a winter season, what should youdo during those tough times?
Dealing with Winter
My in-laws live in Bakersfield, CA, so we make the drive up there pretty often. In the summer, it’s a hot drive (but we have air conditioning in the car). In the winter, it’s cold (but we have a heater).
But we don’t have anything on our car to deal with the most deadly winter weather condition in that area: tule fog.
Tule Fog (pronounced “too-lee”) is the cause of more fatal accidents in California than any other type of weather. It’s a dense fog that cuts driving visibility to around 10 feet or less. Even the fog lights on our car just reflect back at us.
When our kids were toddlers, we drove home one December day from Bakersfield over the Tehachapi Pass. The kids were in their car seats, and the Christmas presents they had received from Grandma and Grandpa filled the back of our 1975 Honda Civic. We knew there would be fog, but didn’t realize how bad it would be.
The denser the fog became, the slower I had to drive. The speedometer dropped from 30 MPH to 20, then 15, then 10 — and it was still too fast. While the car was crawling, my mind was racing. Going 10 miles per hour on an interstate can be unnerving, because you don’t know how fast a truck behind you might be going — and whether they can see your tail lights. All I could do was strain to see the next dash of a white line ahead to make sure I stayed in my lane.
It seemed like there was no end in sight. I was exhausted from the intensity of driving in tule fog, and craved sunlight. I needed a break, and began looking for an exit sign.
But the signs might as well have been invisible.
My father-in-law spent most of his career driving those roads, and had told me how to locate exits in fog. On the right side of the road, raised white markers had been installed on the painted lines in advance of the exit.
- When you saw three buttons, it meant an exit was coming up.
- When you saw two buttons, it meant you were almost there.
- When you saw one button, it was time to turn off.
Those buttons were like a spotlight, helping me get my bearings. We were still in the fog, but we had hope.
Nobody likes tule fog. We’d much rather have sunshine and clear visibility. But everyone experiences fog in their lives, no matter where we live.
Life Principles from the Fog
That driving experience taught me a few important lessons about the tough seasons in life:
1. Tough seasons focus our attention. Driving in fog, I was totally focused. As soon as the sun came out, it was warm and comfortable – but I became so relaxed I had trouble staying awake.
When we’re relaxed and our guard is down, we’re vulnerable to things, people and distractions pulling us away from what really matters. Tough times aren’t pleasant, but they can be times of great growth.
2. We can replace terror with truth. When we can’t see, we imagine the worst. Our minds shift into overdrive, and we’re terrified at all the things that might happen.
One of the most important steps in dealing with tough times is to challenge our thoughts. We don’t have to believe every thought that comes into our minds. We can write them down (to get them out of our head), then ask if they’re true. Choosing truth is essential for winter survival.
3. We need to create markers for what matters most when it’s sunny. It’s important to have a clear sense of what’s most important in our lives — the people, priorities
We’re used to handling life on our own. But when tough times come, we run out of resources – and instinctively turn toward someone who can handle the big stuff better than we can.
4. The fog is coming. Don’t be surprised — be ready. We can’t keep tough times from coming into our lives. But the choices we make now can prepare us for growing in the fog instead of retreating.
Winter comes every year, and so does summer – so we shouldn’t be surprised when it happens.
Author and philosopher Jim Rohn wrote,
“Life is like the changing seasons. You cannot change the seasons, but you can change yourself. Therein lies the opportunity to live an extraordinary life – the opportunity to change yourself.”
Thriving in Winter
What season are you in? It’s helpful to know, because you have a sense of when it will end. If it’s winter, stay alert and look for the tiny hints of direction. It’s a time to focus and make choices about how you respond.
If it’s summer, enjoy it – but start planning how you can prepare for the tough seasons when they come.
In either case, don’t do it alone. In a society that values independence, we’re designed for community. Tough times are always less challenging when you don’t make the journey alone. King Solomon said, “One standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three is even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastics 4:12)
The key? Being intentional, no matter what season you’re in.