What happens when you watch the news?
- Do you feel like everything happening in the world is grabbing you around the throat and strangling your sanity?
- Do you feel a low-grade (or high-grade) anxiety that simmers like an emotional crockpot whenever you think about certain government officials?
- Are there groups of people that you feel are ruining the country or the state with their positions?
- Does it seem like society is getting worse and worse, and you’ve lost hope of it ever improving?
You’re not alone. Most people today operate from one of two emotions: anger or fear.
Throughout history, people have complained about what’s happening in government, politics and society. When their frustration reaches a boiling point they say, “That’s enough” – and become louder and stronger. These people are driven by anger.
The other group watches society spinning out of control, and they’re terrified. They lose hope, and they’re paralyzed by fear.
No matter which group you’re in, it’s easy to lose perspective. The problem is “out there,” and we focus on other people, their ideas and their actions – and how they’re ruining our lives. We’ve turned over the reins of our emotions to them. They’re ruining our lives.
It’s time to take back the steering wheel of our own emotions.
Surviving an Election
The day after President Obama was elected for his second term in 2012, I wrote an article on how we should live our lives after an election. See if it doesn’t apply today:
In any election, someone wins – and someone loses.
If your candidate wins, you’re happy. If your candidate loses, you’re disappointed.
Before an election, we’re surrounded by opposing opinions. People feel strongly about issues, candidates and propositions. Campaigns spend millions of dollars to convince us that they’re right and the other side is wrong. The attacks become vicious, spurring people to feel more and more negative about each other. Even social media allows people to share opinions more strongly than they would if they were looking someone in the eye.
Once the election is over, the winners take office and the losers often go into obscurity. Life goes on, and we adjust to the new political environment.
Here’s the problem: Some people can’t get over the election.
They maintain their bitterness, and continue to attack the newly-elected officials. They continue to guide every conversation toward the negative state of the world.
They’ve become victims.
They’ve given the control of their emotions to the very people they’re most upset with. They don’t realize it’s happening, and feel justified in constantly critiquing everything that occurs. They think it’s a sign of strength — but it’s actually a symptom of weakness.
That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be involved in influencing our society in any way we can. But constant criticism doesn’t usually change anything. In fact, it usually robs us of the energy we could put into doing something constructive about it – based on our arena of influence.
Someone said that holding onto anger or bitterness is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. It doesn’t do anything to them, but it can destroy us.
So once the election is over, what can we do to keep from being a victim? Consider these perspectives:
- Don’t hate the President or other elected officials. It doesn’t matter if you voted for them or not; they’re in office. For most of us, nothing we do will change that fact for the next four years. Get over it. Accept it. Then leverage your influence where it’s both possible and appropriate.
- View elected leaders realistically. We might totally disagree with their policies. But to stay balanced, we need to acknowledge it when they make a good decision and do something well. Leaders are influenced more by encouragement than by criticism (that’s true of us as well). Try sending them a note to affirm them when they do something well, instead of just when they mess up.
- Be proactive rather than reactive. We need to take responsibility for our reactions and choices, rather than simply feeling like victims of other people’s decisions. The President is the leader of the country, but we can be the leaders of our own lives – no matter what choices they make.
- Quit talking and start doing. Complaining robs us of energy to make a difference, and tends to drive people away. We all have gifts and strengths, and we all have a sphere of influence where we can have an impact. It’s really hard to change the whole world (it doesn’t cooperate very well). But if I change myself, I might influence others, who carry that influence to others, and might end up changing the world.
- Be grateful. OK, so the country is messed up in a lot of ways. But we’re free. We can make choices and take action – something that’s restricted in many parts of the world. Think what would happen if we started every day by writing down something we’re grateful for. After a few months, our attitude could be transformed. It doesn’t minimize the real problems, but helps us see them realistically and in balance.
- Realize that we can change our lives. Taxes might go up, and economic policies might impact our income. But we all have the ability to make different choices in our lives that can move us beyond where we are. We don’t have to be victims. We can be different tomorrow than we are today, and we can move out of our current situation – one simple step at a time.
Taking Control
It’s one thing to engage our culture and make a difference in our arena of influence. It’s another thing to be consumed by fear and anger at what’s happening around us.
People often think they can never be happy until somebody leaves office – or until the direction of the country changes – or until their party is in control and their values are upheld. That means they’ll never be happy. It means that they’ve relinquished their emotional well-being to the control of somebody else – probably the people they would least want to give it to.
What if you took the emotional energy you spend on the things that you can’t control, and invested it in those people that you cared the most about?
What if you spent as much time connecting with others and serving them as you do watching the news or following social media?
The best change you have or changing the world is to take control of you.