I used to say, “I’m horrible at remembering names.”
Unfortunately, I said it so often that I convinced myself it was true.
If you introduced yourself to me, I’d immediately think, “I’m going to forget their name before this conversation is over.”
And I did.
For years, I believed remembering names just wasn’t part of my DNA – that some people just had the skill, and I wasn’t one of them.
Then I met Jim Wright.
Jim was one of those guys who could meet you once, not see you for the next two years, and still call you by name the next time he ran into you. If you mentioned where you grew up, he’d recall the name of someone from that area and ask if you knew them.
And you probably did.
I assumed Jim’s mind was just wired for details. He was an engineer, after all. But one day, over breakfast, I asked him his secret.
“How do you remember everyone’s name, Bob?” I teased.
He chuckled and said, “It’s something I work really hard at.”
Turns out it wasn’t as natural as it looked at all. Jim had simply decided that if a person’s name was important to them, it should be important to him, too. So, he put in the effort.
The Moment I Changed My Approach
When I started teaching seminars, I really wanted to connect with the participants – not just talk at them. I always tried to greet everyone as they entered the room and got to know them just a bit. That simple connection made the session feel more like a casual conversation between friends than a stuffy classroom event.
The real magic happened when I could call them by name later in the day – especially when they raised their hand to ask a question.
By the end of the day, someone would always come up and ask, “How did you remember everyone’s name?”
And I’d say, “It’s something I work really hard at.”
Because it was. But the process was actually pretty simple.
5 Simple Tricks to Remember Names
I discovered that the key to remembering names is to focus briefly but intentionally on their name when we first meet. Here are five ways I do it.
- Repeat it immediately. If someone says, “Hi, my name is Sharon,” I respond, “Sharon? Great to meet you, Sharon. I’m Mike.”
- Clarify the spelling. If I know different ways of spelling it, I ask, “Is that Sarah with an H or Sara without?” This small step makes the name more memorable.
- Ask about unique names. If it’s uncommon, I ask about it. “That’s a great name! I don’t think I’ve heard it before. Where did it come from?”
- Work on pronunciation. If the name is foreign or tricky, I try saying it, ask for corrections, and even write it down. I keep practicing until they nod in approval. (This one is especially powerful, because most people won’t even try to get it right.)
- Ask about the meaning. Some people know, some don’t. But it’s a rare question that often sparks a great conversation.
Almost every time, people appreciate the effort. Thanks for asking, they often say.
But beyond making them feel valued, these techniques help me remember their name.
Why Names Matter
Names aren’t just words – they’re part of our identity. When someone remembers your name, it makes you feel seen and valued. It can’t be a manipulative technique. It has to come from genuinely wanting to connect with another person in the moment and caring enough to focus.
My son told me a story this morning about one of his quiet restaurant workers who struggled to connect with customers. He encouraged the guy to start using people’s names during interactions.
The next time a customer came in, he tried it:
- “Just sign here, Matt”
- “Can I get you anything else, Matt?”
- “Have a great rest of your day, Matt. See you next time.”
Think Matt will come back to that restaurant in the future? Absolutely. Wouldn’t you?
Try It Today
The next time you meet someone new, don’t move forward in the conversation until you’ve focused on their name.
It’s a simple, powerful way to make a real connection – and it might just change the way you interact with people forever!
Want more ideas about how to make genuine, comfortable conversation in any situation – no matter what your temperament? Preorder a copy of my new book, How to Read a Room: Navigate any Situation, Lead with Confidence, and Create an Impact at Work. It just launched on Feb. 11, and is anywhere that books are sold.
Here’s the Amazon link.
There are a lot of books out there that promise to help you feel comfortable in group settings, but they don’t go far enough. They often suggest that to succeed, you need to be more outgoing or gregarious.
But what if that’s not you? Does that mean you have to fake it?
Pretending never works. Integrity does.
True confidence isn’t about changing who you are – it’s about becoming the best version of yourself. In this book, I walk you through a 4-step process that helps you do just that, without forcing yourself into a personality that doesn’t fit. (I’m an introvert, so everything I share is designed to work with who you are, not against it.)
But here’s the bigger picture . . .
Getting comfortable in a room is just the first step. If we stop there, we’ve only benefitted ourselves.
Real confidence comes when we shift the focus outward.
When you truly “read the room,” you can understand, connect with and positively impact others. The more you do that, the less you’ll worry about how you’re coming across – because you’ll be too busy making a difference.
Check it out and order your copy today!