You go to the grocery store just to pick up milk. You walk out of the grocery store with chips that were on sale, cupcakes you saw on the clearance rack and your favorite cheese.
But when you get home, you realized you forgot the milk.
Or you need a specific piece of information from an email you read yesterday. You go online to find it, and 20 minutes later you’ve responded to three urgent messages, clicked a link to a Facebook post, scrolled around there and watched a funny video, then took a quick peek at Instagram to see what’s new.
When you sign off, you realize you never got the information you needed, and you have to sign back on.
When there are hundreds of things vying for our attention, it’s hard to stay focused on the thing that’s most important at that moment. Advertisers are crafting messages and creating packaging to capture our attention, whether we’re at home or in a shopping mall. It’s like a sinister plot to keep us scattered by surrounding us with shiny, noisy distractions.
And it works.
People are more distracted than ever with things that are more enticing than ever.
The result? Guilt (because you allow those distractions to happen) and shame (because if you were a stronger person you wouldn’t let yourself get distracted).
Why We’re Distracted
Here’s what’s so interesting about distractions: They usually happen when you’re doing something hard or routine, not when you’re doing something easy or enjoyable.
When you’re in a boring meeting or having lunch with a self-interested colleague, you want to sneak glances at your phone. But when you’re completely engaged in a movie or you’re on a roller coaster at Disneyland, your attention doesn’t drift.
I was on a business trip recently, and went to a nice restaurant for dinner by myself. It had been a long day of meetings, and I was looking forward to relaxing with a nice meal. I ordered something that looked amazing.
To pass the time while I was waiting, I scrolled through my email on my phone – just for something to do. When the meal arrived, it went beyond my expectations – from the presentation to the taste. It was just about perfect.
But I didn’t put my phone away. Throughout the meal, I scrolled through emails, checked Facebook, texted a couple of people and checked the weather in a few different cities.
I suddenly realized that my food was gone. I paid money and someone took the time to make it a stellar meal – and I didn’t even remember eating it or what it tasted like.
I was distracted.
The One Key to Distraction-Free Living
Most people use willpower to keep that from happening. We say, “I just need to really pay attention to the things that are distracting me so I can avoid them.”
It doesn’t work. Whatever we focus on gets bigger and more centered in our attention. Since willpower is limited, it almost always leads to failure. Fighting those distractions is like fighting off a swarm of bees with a paper towel. It’s just not going to work over time.
There’s a better way: You have to fall in love.
The more we fall in love with something, the less distracted we’ll be by other things.
When a couple first falls in love, all they can think about is each other. Sure, there are plenty of distractions around, but they don’t impact them. Those things have lost their appeal in light of what that couple is feeling for each other.
After a few years of marriage, routine sets in – and the distractions become more enticing than they were earlier. If their love begins to cool, they’re susceptible to the distraction of another person.
We get distracted because:
- We’re bored with the thing that’s right in front of us, and we’re looking to see if there’s anything more interesting available.
- We’re doing something hard, so we want to do something easy.
It applies to both our tasks and our relationships.
Writers face this all the time. They like the idea of being a writer, but they face the blank page and get what’s called “writer’s block.” They don’t love the process, and it’s hard work. When the words just don’t come, they’re open to any distraction that comes along – online solitaire, email, food or even cleaning their workspace. They think, “Well, organizing my office is a good thing, right?” But it’s only attractive because it’s not as hard as writing.
They say, “I hate writing, but I love to have written.”
Author and writing mentor Jeff Goins says, “I don’t buy it. If you’re going to be a professional writer, you have to fall in love with the process. Otherwise, why do the drudgery? Anything you’re going to do for a long time, you’ve gotta love it.” His Tribe Writers course is unique because he doesn’t focus on tips and tricks for overcoming the tough stuff. He simply shows his students how to fall in love.
Falling Back in Love
The first time I met my wife’s grandfather, he told me about his 50+ year marriage to her grandmother. He said, “When I stood at the altar on our wedding day, I felt like I couldn’t possibly love her more than I did then.” He continued: “But knowing how much I love her now, I look back and feel like I barely loved her at all.”
He made sure he stayed in love. He didn’t get distracted.
What do you get most distracted by? What are the things that pull your attention away from what matters most to you?
Is it because you’re bored, or because it’s hard?
Most people try to fight the distractions when they come. But that can be an exercise in futility. Instead, notice what you’re distracted by, and ask how you can increase the value of the thing you’re trying to focus on.
- If it’s your job, take a course or pursue a certification to get better at what you do.
- If it’s a challenging project, see if you can find someone to do it with you.
- If it’s an important relationship, do something simple to invest in that relationship.
- If it’s a tough assignment you’re working on using your computer, focus on the contribution you will have made when you’re finished.
Distractions will always by trying to grab our attention, pulling us away from the things that are most important. You might take control in the short-term, but not in the long-term.
There’s a better solution:
You’ve gotta fall in love again.