It’s New Year’s Day. Do you care?
Do you expect this year to be any different than last year?
Does it feel like a fresh start, or have you given up on change?
That word – “change” – is what we associate with New Year’s Day. It feels like we get a “do-over.” We’re not happy with the way last year went, and this is our chance to do it differently.
Maybe that’s why we say “Happy New Year.” It’s not that we really want to lose weight, save money or finish a major project. Those things aren’t fun in themselves. We see them as a means to an end.
We just want to feel better – and we assume that reaching those goals will allow us to be happy. So we round up all the willpower we have, put a stake in the ground and say, “Starting today, I’m really going to do it.”
We search online for help. On this day, it’s not hard to find. About two million new blog posts are written every day, and I bet half of today’s articles are focused on goal-setting, willpower, overcoming procrastination and success.
With that much information available, you’d think we’d have this life-change thing figured out. We’d all be thin, rich, and relaxed. Instead, we’re pushing the reset button on our resolve – again – and again – and again.
Why should this year be any different?
Why Goals Aren’t Enough
Years ago, a multi-level organization had their members find pictures in magazines of the things they wanted – then put them on their refrigerator. They’d cut out photos of luxury cars, tropical vacations, jewelry and mansions. The idea was that it would motivate them to work harder in the organization to achieve those dreams.
The idea made sense, but often had the opposite effect. Every time someone had a bad day and watched TV instead of making sales calls, they felt worse – and the dream seemed further away. When their business didn’t grow as quickly as they hoped, they became discouraged and gave up. The pictures reinforced their feelings of self-doubt, and they felt like failures.
That’s the problem with goals. They’re great for pointing us in the right direction, but lousy for motivating us through the daily grind. We focus on the ideal weight, and get distracted from what it takes to get there. We’re saving the celebration when the scale hits the goal, instead of applauding the fact that we actually showed up at the gym today.
We have an immediate desire to achieve a long-term result.
The best athletes weren’t born that way. They had to do the work. We only watch them in competition, not in the years of grunt work that got them there.
When we focus on long-term dreams, it’s easy to become dissatisfied with the present. We have a voice in our head that fantasizes about either the past or the future:
- We look back and revisit our past mistakes and choices, feeling guilt and shame over them.
- We look forward, focusing on some future event that will make things better than they are right now.
Usually, we’re doing both at the same time. When we do that, we miss the present.
Feelings only take place in the present. That’s why it’s so important to seek deep satisfaction today – even while striving for something more in the future.
So, how can we find that gratification in the present?
Decide What Matters Most
It comes from changing our paradigm.
It comes from becoming crystal-clear on our values – then basing our actions on those values.
There is a lot of emphasis today on achievement. When we accomplish a lot, we feel more valuable. If we don’t accomplish much, we feel less valuable.
Achievement isn’t bad. But if it’s the sole measure of personal success, we’ll end up feeling empty. That’s why a lot of high achievers make choices that are personally destructive. I’ve spent 30 years working with corporate executives – and I’ve seen many who are wildly successful in their business, but bankrupt in their personal lives. I’ve known others who base their live on governing values, and achieve the deepest levels of contentment and fulfillment.
They key to a life of fulfillment isn’t the goals we achieve or the dreams we realize, either personally or professionally.
The key is to know what our governing values are, then make daily choices that align with those values.
Hyrum Smith, co-founder of the FranklinCovey Company (where I’ve worked for the past 30 years) said:
“When your daily activities are in concert with your highest priorities, you have a credible claim to inner peace.”
Isn’t that what we all want – inner peace?
Typical New Year’s resolutions might actually help us get a few things done, but there’s no guarantee that they’ll bring inner peace. That starts with identifying our values.
Here’s a simple, 5-minute New Year’s Day exercise that can make a serious difference in your year. Instead of striving for accomplishment, you’ll be set up to live by your values.
Grab a sheet of paper or a new page on your phone. Write the caption “My Governing Values” and underline it.
Then, answer these two questions:
1. What are my highest priorities in life?
Here are the ones most commonly mentioned by people doing this exercise:
- Family and relationships
- Physical wellness
- Financial wellness
- Education
- Integrity
- Making a difference
You might also list things like helping others, self-respect, being responsible, happiness, forgiveness, generosity, courage, education, etc. There are no right or wrong answers, and you can change or add to the list later. Don’t list what you think you should include – just the things that you feel passionate about.
2. Of these priorities, what do I value the most?
If you could wave a magic wand and make only one of them a consistent reality, which one would it be? Put the #1 next to it. Continue in the same way through the rest of the list until you have them prioritized.
When you’re finished, print off the list and post it where you’ll see it frequently. Some people use it as their screen saver on their computer. Others set a reminder on their phone to check it daily. Some people tape it to their car’s dashboard or bathroom mirror. One man asked his wife to put it somewhere new every week so it would catch him off guard (and he wouldn’t take it for granted).
You might want to post it on your refrigerator.
Then start making daily choices that are in alignment with those values. It might not be as much fun as the Lexus or the trip to the Bahamas – but it could change your life.
That’s the kind of change that could make this your best year ever!